Thursday, October 12, 2006

A bit overwhelmed and out of sorts

I haven't blogged the past few days because I've been feeling a bit out of sorts. I've been having a lot of apprehension about the thought of having two kids in a short amount of time and wondering how in the world I'm going to have enough of myself to go around. How will I be able to take care of everybody and still care for myself?

I know mothers have been doing it for centuries and I will get through it, but I still have anxiety about it all. I worry that Ava will feel neglected after being the center of my world for the past two-plus years. I worry that baby boy won't get the attention that Ava got while she was a baby. I worry that nobody will get any sleep and that I will be a walking zombie for months on end.

And, rationally, I know all of these fears are perfectly normal. I know that Ava won't get the amount of attention that she's used to. I know that baby boy won't get the same attention that Ava got as a baby. And I know that sleep will certainly suffer for a while. But I know that we will all live through it, even though there will be hard times.

I also know that Ava and baby boy will have the attention and affection of each other throughout the years and that they will share a special bond unlike the bond they share with me or Jody - and that makes me smile. :)

Part of all of this worry comes from the fact that I have had the role of primary caregiver at night for all of Ava's life. When she wakes up at night even now, mommy is who she wants. Even though she night-weaned 6 months or so ago, she still wants only mommy to rub her back or cuddle her back to sleep. (Don't get me wrong. Jody is a great daddy and helps out a lot, but in the middle of the night, only mommy will do.) I don't know that I will be able to continue with this role once baby boy is here since I feel like he will have the greater need for me (nursing) in the middle of the night. I anticipate this meaning a lot of tears for a few nights while Ava adjusts to daddy having to comfort her back to sleep and that is hard for me, but I know we will all get through it.

I know that I need to accept help when it is offered or even *gasp* ask for it. Today was actually a good example of me realizing I needed a break and asking for help. Because I've felt a bit overwhelmed the past few days, I decided to call my sister and see if she could take Ava out to the park for a while so I could have some time just to myself. She was more than happy to help out and I got some practice some relaxation, watch "LOST" (which Jody taped for me last night since I was out at an acupuncture appointment) and get dinner started. It was wonderful and very much needed. :)

I'm also realizing that there's no way to predict how the first few weeks/months after baby boy joins us are going to go, so there's no sense wasting time worrying about it now. I have to remember to live for today, and that's it. Much easier for me to say than to put into practice, but maybe if I make it my mantra, I can do it.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble as I attempted to sort out my thoughts. ;)


At 10/13/2006 12:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No problem reading your "ramblings" (sp). I check in and read ever few days, Amy.

I wish I had some way to cheer you up on these trying times. My daughter had my second grandchild (both girls) a year ago. She just made the older one feel important in helping with the younger one.

What is hard for me, is that I have NOT seen my youngest grandaughter as they live in Hawaii. The daughter does send us several photos each month of both of my only two grandchildren.

Good luck, Amy, hoping all works out great for you and Jody!!!


At 10/13/2006 6:43 AM, Anonymous Michelle said...

My two boys are 21 months apart, so I definitely can identify with this. And yes, the first few months were tough as we all adjusted to the newest member of the family. As you've already said yourself, it is soooo important to accept and ask for help when you need it. I've always had trouble doing that myself, but then once I found myself juggling a toddler and an infant, it suddenly became a whole lot easier to ask for a helping hand!

You will get through it - sleepless nights and all. The first few months of Dante's life were really hard on all of us, but now that he's 9 months old and he and Gabe actually interact with each other, the rough times seem like a distant memory.

Because there is nothing in the world like seeing your two kids playing and laughing together - nothing..... :)

At 10/13/2006 7:22 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

to be honest, the first year with 2 kids is hard. i felt so sad for my daughter, because she didn't get the undivided attention that my son got as a baby. at the same time, it was hard for my son to adjust to having to share HIS momma. slingin' the baby helped alot, but there are times when i just couldn't help him immediately.. like when i was busy changing ellia's diaper, and he just *had* to read a book with me, right away!

for me, the night waking was much easier the second time around. the first time, the lack of sleep was hard for me. by the time ellia came around, i was used to it, i guess.

it will be hard at times, but i know you guys can do it! the fact that you actually care enough to worry about these things says alot. after the first year, things get much easier!

At 10/13/2006 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi...I also stop in and read your posts every so often. I just wanted to try and give you a little support, you are EXACTLY where I was at a few weeks ago...I just had my second little boy three weeks ago, and his older brother is 22 months old. So I am hearing all of your worries and fears and knowing exactly what you are feeling. I just wanted to tell you...although I know you already know it, everything will work itself out, and it's not NEARLY as horrible once it happens, as it is in your mind before. My little boy has adjusted remarkable well so far (not to say there isn't the occasional tantrum or jealousy) but he has accepted his Daddy into a role of more of a caregiver (especially at bathtime and in the middle of the night) remarkably well...he never even looked back or even asked for me! While that kind of hurt at the time, the bond between them that has developed is beautiful to see, and my heart melts every time my little boy comes over to "kiss" his little brother.
I'm not saying it's not hard, but somehow, once that beautiful new baby is here, you just do it and it's not as bad or as hard as you thought it was going to be...and everyone adjusts alot easier than what you would think!

At 10/13/2006 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My 2 boys are closure in age then Ave and baby are. My youngest was born 2 months before my oldest turned 2. I LOOVE having them close in age. I too was worried just like you. I was afraid my oldest would hate me when I brought his little brother home from the hospital. But its not like that at all. It is hard at first I wont lie but I wouldnt change it for the world. My oldest is a GREAT big brother I make sure to include him into everything and every week we take one day out to have a Mommy and Son Day. Even though he may just be 2 years old he likes it and understands it. We will go to the park, have a picnic, etc.
Dont worry (easier said then done) it'll all work out. And yes you will be a walking zombie for the first few months. I know I was...There were times where I would accidently give my oldest a pacifier or try to stick him in a newborn size diaper. LOL!

Good luck! Enjoy every minute of Ava and baby boy! They grow way too fast!

At 10/13/2006 4:28 PM, Anonymous C-ster said...

Thanks for sharing Amy. Keep coming back. ;)

At 10/14/2006 7:15 AM, Blogger Nelly said...

Like you said, these are all completely normal feelings, but everything will work out fine.

A few months before princess was born, hubby started doing more stuff with "D" because he was totally attached to his mommy and right about when princess was born he was totally attached to his daddy. He no longer wanted me to put him to bed or brush his was all about daddy. So that made the transition of not having as much attention from me A LOT easier for "d". What also made it easier was the fact that "d" slept in his own room. He wasn't bothered by middle of the night feedings or princess crying, he continued to get a good nights sleep after she was born. That may be hard for you guys since everyone is in the same room but you'll work something out.

As I'm sure you remember, I had TONS of anxiety after I had both of my kids and it was a rough time, but you'll get through it Amy. It will be rough with sleep and juggling two kids, at least you'll have help.

Good luck!

At 10/14/2006 8:18 AM, Anonymous leigh said...

I'm not even pregnant yet with #2 and I can relate to some of your anxiety!
You are right...the super-wonderful thing will be they bond they have together as they grow and share life.
You are a wonderful Mama, I know it...and you'll still deliver that wonderful lovin' despite the lack of sleep and ability to be in two places at once. :)

At 10/14/2006 5:17 PM, Blogger amygeekgrl said...

Thank you all so much for your support, encouraging words and honest responses. It means a lot to me.

I know the first few months will be a juggling act, but I hear it gets easier every month and I know we'll get through it. And by then I'll probably be wishing I could go back to when they were both little and do it all over again. Maybe. ;)

And hello to my two new "anonymous" posters. :) Glad to have you join in.

At 10/14/2006 7:25 PM, Blogger Avery's mom said...

just want to add that I've given birth less then 13 months apart and I dont sleep. my life feels like its on hold (for me at least) dont know how long this is going to last or when I'll be able to return to being "ME" (havent had me time in 4ever) but you really hit on a thought I've been learning that has gotten me through my recent days.....
just live for the moment and enjoy it. so my hair is nasty and uncombed+ and I havent showered and If dinner doesnt get cooked, we're all going to survive somehow. my husband REALLY stepped it up on his end of helping out once the Boy was born 2 weeks ago (something I was super stressed about during the pregnancy) it all works out and the kids will love each other and you are giving your daughter the greatest gift. you might not have time to update your blog as often, or do any of the errands you want in a day. I've learned , just as I did with the trasition of the first that life slows down and i have to find a new pace to travel in.
good luck to you and just know that your worry is a natrual panic/axiety of being pregnant.

At 10/15/2006 4:23 PM, Blogger Penny said...

I could've written your post ;)

I also have some concerns about me being the primary "comfort" giver round here. DH is doing much better in terms of playing/getting involved with Tim but I'm still the one he turns to if he's hurt or whatever. I need to encourage DH to show more of a nurturing side to him so Tim feels okay about going to him for comfort.

At 10/16/2006 12:22 PM, Anonymous anna S said...

Hi amy!

sorry for the lack of caps, typing with one hand as i nurse baby henry, 4 months old. I'm in the same boat, with 2 yr old will (found you through the old July 04 parenting group!), and it is just wonderful, despite my anxiety about it. Henry was a sick 36-weeker, so his arrival was compounded by weeks of NICU care, which stressed will out more than having a baby at home, i think! but now we are all home together, happy and healthy, adn while we are tired, we could never have imagined how much better it could be than with just one, even our precious firstborn one. And when the baby smiles at the two year old, there is nothing like it!
Best wishes to you for a safe and beautiful delivery.

And if you have a shred of time before then, will you please post some more of your photos from shoots?
I love seeing them, as I am about 10 steps behind you in creating a photography business. Your photos are gorgeous!!
What kind of camera do you use?



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